there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
