OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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