As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
