it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We left the knife in your bed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
