Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
