did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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