You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
