I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
