The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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