I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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