He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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