i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
