Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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