I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
