Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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