he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
