pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
