Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
True college students do jello shots in the library
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
