So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
