He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
