Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
