6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
