I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
