Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
