I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
