He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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