I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
