I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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