But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
