You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
