Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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