To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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