You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
