Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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