What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We have started to decorate penises.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
