come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
