You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
