Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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