I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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