i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
