After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
