this just has baby written all over it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
