just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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