so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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