Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
