garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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