i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
