Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
