if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
