what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
