she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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