Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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