i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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