there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
