I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
