So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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