He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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