Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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