Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
