The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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