Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
