My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
