my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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