i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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