i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A bitchslap is in order.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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